Gareth Ashmore

On the 28th of September some friends and I went down to the Beaconsfield tavern to witness Flashing Tablet and Creaks in the Inflammable Stairs, undoubtable two of the four greats bands in Perth. Unfortunately we didn't get to see any bands, instead we played pool, pin-ball, and I interviewed Gareth (Ex-Ingrid) about his band, zine and life as a Perth icon.

Pig: Before this interview starts you would like it to be known that you are Gareth Ashmore of Hot Bakery Items (HBI) and not Gareth Gorman of X-Press.
Gareth: That's right.
Pig: You've lost your dog (see HBI #3 -Ed).
Gareth: I've lost my dog but I found him. It cost me $50 to get him out of the pound. So I'm not very rich at the moment.
Pig: Why are you in here with a big stick?
Gareth: It's my new instrument. I'm learning it.
Pig: How long have you been playing the didgeridoo.
Gareth: I bought it last Tuesday (20th September - Ed.) We wrote a song on the weekend called "The man who just bought a didgeridoo who can't really play it."
Pig: Your band "Creaks in the Inflammable Stairs" (CITIS) doesn't that name come from a book ?
Gareth: No that's from a dream I had. Kim Williams from House of Wax came to me in a dream and said "You are the creaks in the inflammable stairs", my hair was on fire at the time. I woke up and thought "that's the name of the band."
Pig: I had a dream that Baby John Burgers was floating naked with an erection above me in my bed.
Gareth: That's a common dream. It actually means that you want John Burgers in bed with you. It's a common occurrence, it happens to everyone now and then.
Pig: I've read the creaks in the inflammable stairs in a book.
Gareth: Oh, it is from a book. that's where I got it from. I forgot. I think it's from a Tom Wolfe book. The Candy...no, the candy coloured...
Pig: The Electric Coolaid Acid Test?
Gareth: Yeah, that's it. I thought it was the the tangerine streamline flake baby or something...
Pig: That's another one of his books. Electric Coolaid Acid Test was about Ken Keasey and his Mary Pranksters. It contained the CITIS line.
Gareth: I would love to go to San Fran cisco and go to the Haight/Astbury district and run into some Helter Skelter.
Pig: Some hairy old men, who used to take LSD in the 60's.
Gareth: Yeah.
Pig: CITIS were supposed to play the Loft for their first gig (15th July) what happened?
Gareth: Ah man. That was Chris Gorman's fault, I blame him totally. He drank too much beer one night and went around to the Loft and harassed the Loft manager so the Loft cancelled Mustang and cancelled us at the same time. The manager didn't like Chris Gorman or Mustang from that point onwards. That's why they had to move to Melbourne, the Loft people were after them.
Pig: Tell us about your other gigs.
Gareth: Our first gig we played really badly at the Lone Star because we were nervous. Our second gig we played at a party were I cut my feet a couple of times because I wasn't wearing any shoes and their was lots of broken glass. There was also lots of fights between sixteen and seventeen year old yobbos drinking beer and being very nasty, beating up bouncers and police. Our third gig was at the campus band competition were the canteen ladies went up to the mixing deck and said (in a high pitched voice) "Stop, turn it down, it's making me sick," so we had some good complaints. Pig: I assume you didn't win then?
Gareth: We got beaten by a Things of Stone and Wood band. They were called Virgil. they all wore the same type of tops, stripey tops, they were all tucked in and had nice long hair. Like your hair Nick.
Pig: I'm in that band. Tonight was supposed to be your fourth gig, why was it cancelled?
Gareth: I blame Flashing Tablet totally. I blame the Beaconsfield one half and my didgeridoo the other half. (The mixer wasn't told their was to be a gig and couldn't be contacted - Ed). Terry (our drummer) and I snuck into the Eagles game on the weekend and we got abused by every person we saw, which was about 10,000 people.
Pig: Why is that?
Gareth: For not wearing shoes, for standing in the isles, for not having tickets, for not wearing Eagles T-shirts.
Pig: You have written love letters to the people at the Harvey (another zine - Ed)...
Gareth: I have written many letters to the people of the Harvey.
Pig: Did they reply?
Gareth: No! They just insulted me in public.
Pig: Do you feel ashamed?
Gareth: No, I got my own back. I accidentally hit Deborah's breast on the weekend and apologised.
Pig: You also brought out Hot Bakery Items.
Gareth: It's a zine that tastes good, it's healthy, and good for you.
Pig: You have just brought out issue number 3. It's getting big and thick, what can we expect in the future?
Gareth: Each issue is going to be twice the size of the last. The first one was two pages, the second one was four pages, this ones got eight pages, the next one will be sixteen pages. The next one will be just me telling a story.
Pig: What are your plans for the future?
Gareth: I'm going to Europe in February for a year. I'm going to take my didgeridoo and busk. I going to go to Italy, Greece and Russia as well.