Taxi Driver

Pig Meat had the opportunity to interview one of Perth's taxi drivers after the Beck concert at the Lone Star. He related to me how fucked the job was. By his request I have changed his name. We shall now call him Travis.

Pig: I bet some really fucked up things have happened to you while you have been working, and you wanted to get a mo-hawk and kill. Please tell the world.
Travis: I picked up a gay guy. He put his hand in between my legs and said "I want a head job," I said no thanks.
Pig: Did you take him to a place that could satisfy his needs?
Travis: I picked him up from DC's and obviously his needs hadn't been met.
Pig: So he went for the taxi driver?
Travis: Yep.
Pig: Did you have the beard at that stage?
Travis: No.
Pig: There you go. Your so sexy without the beard and now your ugly as sin.
Travis: I know that. That's why I have it. So I don't fuck everyone every night...

Travis: Did you see that? Did you see that? I shook Beck's hand!
Pig: Don't ever wash that hand again. Tell me more taxi stories.
Travis: Everyone try's to get in, get a free ride and then run off. Three guys got in with this old guy. Then his three mates jumped off at a train station, they must have been kids or something. I went to the old guys house and he said "Sorry, I haven't got any money." It was ten bucks, he fuckin' had a dollar. I went inside with him and said "Fuckin', what are you doing?" So I kicked in his door because he said fuck all. My foot got stuck in the door and he came after me. I had to get it out really quickly and get out of there.
Pig: How many runners did you get?
Travis: Heaps, like every weekend count on one.
Pig: There's a law that taxi drivers don't have to wear their seat belt, did you take advantage of this law?
Travis: Definitely, especially with fucking fuck head looking guys.
Pig: Has anyone put a gun to your head, a needle in your arm or robbed you?
Travis: No, but one guy grabbed me by the throat and fucking yanked me! I spat at one guy because he was fucked.
Pig: Any last messages?
Travis: Fuck you all. (And he would if he could -Ed).